Wrong! I had to wait 6 months for an audition. Well, with that kind of talent I figured the Mayor would be waiting for me at Port Authority. I could do a hundred and eighty degree split and come up tapping the Morse Code. I looked like a fucking nurse! I had 87 dollars in my pocket and seven years of tap and acrobatics. Get the picture? Anyway, I got off this bus in my little white shoes, my little white tights, little white dress, my little ugly face, and my long blonde hair – which was natural then. I was ugly, skinny, homely, unattractive and flat as a pancake. Merry Christmas – and never made it back to Radio City. Unfortunately though, she got knocked up over Christmas. A goddamn parade! I twirled a friggin’ baton for two hours in the rain. Well, she came home one Christmas to visit, and they gave her a parade. See, I never heard about “The Red Shoes,” I never saw “The Red Shoes,” I didn’t give a fu** about “The Red Shoes.” I decided to be a Rockette because this girl in my home town – Louella Heiner – had actually gotten out and made it in New York. “So, the day after I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on a Trailways bus – and headed for the big bad apple. This witty monologue, from the acclaimed musical, ‘A Chorus Line,’ denotes one dancer’s darkly comedic journey to the Broadway stage. “So, the day after I turned 18…” – Val Clarke from ‘A Chorus Line’Ĭhances are, you and Val have at least one thing in common: you’re familiar with the trials and tribulations of auditioning. Here are 17 great comedic monologues for women: 1. Just like every actress, every monologue brings something new to the table – especially when it comes to comedy! Next time you’re looking to slay an audition with a funny monologue (YAS, QUEEN!), peruse this diverse collection. For many performers, much of that pre-audition anxiety comes in the form of choosing a well-suited monologue. Let’s face it: preparing for an audition is nearly as stressful as the audition itself.